An Unexpected Conversation with an iOS Parrot in a Kashmir Barber Shop

An Unexpected Conversation with an iOS Parrot in a Kashmir Barber Shop
I swear this is a true story (or at least as true as stories get when you’re sitting in a tiny barber shop in Srinagar and reality starts feeling a little wobbly).
It was a crisp October morning. I had been wandering the back lanes of old Srinagar near Hari Parbat, looking for a place to get a quick trim before heading to Dal Lake. Most fancy salons were either closed or too touristy, so I ducked into a narrow shop with a faded red-and-white pole spinning outside. The sign simply read “Ustad Hair Cutting Saloon – Since 1972”. Perfect.
Inside, it smelled of talcum powder, coconut oil, and that unmistakable sharp bite of old-school aftershave. Three ancient chairs, one cracked mirror, a small transistor radio playing 90s Bollywood songs, and Ustad ji himself (white beard, thick glasses, and the calm authority of a man who has cut half the city’s hair for five decades).
I sat down. The usual ritual began: cape around the neck, scissors snipping, small talk about the weather, the tourists, the price of saffron. Then, out of nowhere, a voice from the corner of the shop said, very clearly and in perfect American English:
“Hey, how’s it going?”
I froze mid-snip. Ustad ji didn’t even blink. I slowly turned my head (as much as one can when someone is holding scissors near your ear) and saw the source of the voice: a bright green parrot in a brass cage hanging from the ceiling. Except this was no ordinary parrot.
It had an iPhone taped (yes, taped) to the outside of the cage. An old iPhone 9 or 10, screen cracked in the classic spiderweb pattern, running what looked like Siri in parrot mode. A tiny speaker was wired to it with red-and-black electrical wire, the kind you buy in Lal Chowk for ten rupees a meter.
The parrot tilted its head and spoke again, this time in Siri’s voice:
“Namaste! How can I assist you today?”
I burst out laughing. Ustad ji finally smiled.
“Arre sir, yeh hamara iOS parrot hai,” he said proudly. “Original Siri wala. Tourists bahut khush hote hain.”
Apparently, his grandson had set it up two years ago. The parrot (real name Mithu, official title “Apple Mithu”) had learned to tap the home button with its beak whenever someone entered the shop. The cracked iPhone was permanently on the Siri screen. Over time, Mithu had figured out exactly how hard to peck to wake Siri up, and because half the customers asked the usual questions (“Bhaiya, kitna time lagega?”, “Thoda side se chhota kar do”), Siri’s responses somehow made sense most of the time.
I couldn’t resist. While Ustad ji finished the haircut, I started chatting with the iOS parrot.
Me: “Siri, how’s the weather in Srinagar today?”
Siri (via Mithu’s perfectly timed beak tap): “It’s 16 degrees Celsius with clear skies in Srinagar. Perfect day for a shikara ride!”
(The parrot bobbed its head as if agreeing.)
Me: “Siri, recommend a good kahwa place nearby.”
Siri: “I found three places serving Kashmiri kahwa nearby. The highest rated is Ahdoo’s on Residency Road.”
Mithu squawked triumphantly, as if he personally knew the owner.
Ustad ji, now blow-drying my hair, was grinning ear to ear. “See? Better than Google bhi. And no internet problem. Phone is always on Wi-Fi from the neighbor’s Jio hotspot.”
I asked the obvious question: “But… why?”
He shrugged. “Tourists take photos, business achha rehta hai. Plus Mithu gets almonds every time someone talks to him. Win-win.”
Before I left, I obviously had to take a selfie with Apple Mithu. I said, “Siri, tell me a joke.”
Siri answered: “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”
Mithu flapped his wings and let out an actual parrot laugh (which sounded suspiciously like he’d been training for this moment).
I paid Ustad ji (₹80 for the haircut, plus an extra ₹20 tip for the entertainment), bought a handful of almonds for Mithu, and walked out into the Srinagar sunshine feeling like I’d just stepped out of a Salman Rushdie short story.
If you’re ever in Srinagar and need a trim (or a conversation with the world’s most Kashmiri iPhone), ask any auto driver to take you to Ustad Hair Cutting Saloon near Hari Parbat. Tell Apple Mithu I said hi.
And yes, the haircut was excellent too. 10/10, would let a man with scissors and an AI parrot near my head again.

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